As I type this entry, I have “stuff” strewn across my bedroom floor, our spare room, and in the hallway. There is a load of laundry ready to be folded and either stored in a cardboard box for the next 7 months or stuffed into my quickly growing pack. I have a to-do list about a mile long with only a few items ticked off...and if I’m being completely honest, most of them were already completed before I scrawled them across the page. A girl’s got to have some sense of accomplishment after all.
And still ... in the midst of all this preparation for Kingdom Journeys, I feel the need to sit and process. To ask ...God...what has happened these past few weeks? What have you been trying to teach me? What’s next and how can I be more ready for it?
I have been living a home with family since I returned from Kenya, which has been really, really nice in so many ways. They didn’t charge me rent, and they let me eat all their food. And they let me be myself....even when they don’t agree.
Home has become a few different things in recent years. It’s a place where I’m able to reflect on how far God has brought me...and to safely dream about the future.
It’s also a place where I have to fight for intimacy with God.
On the mission field...God’s presence never felt so real to me. It often felt like me and Him, in battle together. Or sometimes like a long coffee date in which Jesus and I were just getting to know each other. Kenya is the place where Jesus truly showed me that I was the sought after party in a GREAT RESCUE. That HE rescued me...and that HE is now calling me to be part of many more great rescues...talk about adventure!
He showed me that He really is enough..
Who would have thought that a cozy home in a nice area of Toronto would be a challenge , after climbing aboard a plane and traveling across the world to live in a place where I knew no one.
As lovely as it has been, home for me these past few weeks, is where I struggle with the same things as I did five, six, ten years ago. It’s where the impatient, worldly, affirmation seeking Kimmy most often comes out. It’s where I find myself snapping or growing impatient, or entertaining very un-missionary like thoughts. It’s where I begin dreaming of a comfortable life ... that may or may not have Christ at the centre.
Home is often the place where I doubt my ability to ever change.
It made me sad...this distance from God.
But then last night, I read the soul soothing words of Ann Voscamp on her blog...giving me permission to fall into the hands of grace once again.
I realized... that it really is Ok to feel .
And that my feelings don’t define the truth.
I realized that home is also a place where God is bigger than everything I feel.
The TRUTH is He is closer than my human mind can imagine, and He loves me more deeply than I could ever comprehend. He is forgiving, and caring, and changes me with His unending GRACE.
As I remind myself of His truth, I am overwhelmed by His kindness.
He loves me just the same. He loves me just the same. He loves me just the same.
And so as I think about what I have learned and what He is calling me to next...I believe I have my answer.
Jesus wants me to trust the gospel...the great rescue mission that he embarked on FOR ME.
FOR YOU.
It is bigger than any distance, or valley, or failure. He really is All WE NEED.
ALL I NEED.
He’s asking me to trust His love.
3 Comments
Melmo
12/30/2014 09:06:09 pm
Beautiful. Love you. Xoxo
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Miriam
1/1/2015 03:30:04 am
Amen! God is enough! Blessings to you for this new year, in your home, in the mission field, everywhere you go! xo
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Kim.Kimmy. Kimberley.Hey everyone! I am so glad you are here. One of my most favourite things in the whole world is meeting new people and doing this thing called "life" together. I love how we have the power to spur one another on to pursue wonderful things in this life. A little bit about me...I am a Christ follower, He is the reason I am where I am today and the biggest goal of my life is to grow in my relationship with Him. I'm also a writer and a reader...I love stories and I believe that they have the power to move us. I run and bike, and I love the excitement of new places and adventures. I love a good cup of coffee, delicious food, and summer mornings. I laugh a lot , I cry a lot and oh my goodness am I ever a dreamer. I am determined to turn my dreaming into doing, and in that spirit, I am off to serve Him through missions this coming year. I can't wait to see how He uses me, changes my heart, and lets me be a part of His work as I journey first to Africa and then Lord willing, to Asia. I'm so happy you are wanting to come along. Archives
July 2015
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